OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
