Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
