I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
