I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This is classic penis vs brain.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
