don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
