my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
