My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
