Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
