i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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