I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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