I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i think i just lost a toe
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
