Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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