my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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