he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
