I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
