On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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