Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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