i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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