if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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