We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How external is "for external use only"?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
