The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
