I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
ok first of all what the fuck
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
