i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
