the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
