You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
