she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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