I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
