I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
