did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
