so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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