You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
