I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
im on a boat
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