Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
