I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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