If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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