do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
