i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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