dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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