i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I need moral support for this bender
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
