I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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