I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
