You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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