I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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