my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
