He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
