guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
