I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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