ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
