Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
