K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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