Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
