when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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