dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
