Umm I'm too high to move.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
