i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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