guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
