I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
then he tried to convert me to islam
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
