Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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