I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
