and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
